Dumb People Who Admitted Their Criminal Activities On Twitter

Cat Food

Sometimes people don’t think before they speak and this can have devastating consequences. One man traumatized a child after he pointed out that her father was feeding his cats to coyotes. Yes, a lot is going on in that sentence but reading the full tweet will clarify this.

Birthday Cards

This criminal tweet is brilliant because readers won’t expect what is coming. The author wrote: “I’ve opened six birthday cards so far and already up $165. I love working for USPS.” It’s the second line that’s the best part because it is so abrupt and immoral. But that’s why it’s funny.

Postal workers rarely engage in crime because it will always go wrong. However, sometimes they do as in the case of the USPS worker who stole $3000 worth of checks. She made the idiotic mistake of depositing them into her bank account in Texas, which was literal criminal activity (via ABC).

Gun Crimes

This Twitter user had an ingeniously criminal way to keep the rental prices down in his community. He says that he fires his handgun out of the window to frighten the neighborhood and manipulate his landlord. We’re not sure if this is sustainable but we appreciate the creative thinking.

It’s a fact that recent gun crime has reduced the value of houses by thousands of dollars. Meanwhile, this also costs governments millions of dollars in taxes. While we don’t advocate indiscriminate and reckless gun use, this person may be a genius. But it’s not going to end well for him (via PBS).

Crash and Burn

This Twitter user has a savage way to deal with irresponsible car drivers but it will only work once. We know that many car users don’t consider the safety of pedestrians or cyclists. Unfortunately, there are many unnecessary injuries and casualties because of their actions and lack of responsibility.

They tweeted an image above of a gas tank attached to a bicycle. Meanwhile, he wrote: “People always say that cyclists need to be afraid of cars, because in collisions cars always win. It doesn’t have to be like that. We can both lose.” It’s incredible the lengths that people will go to prove their point.

Delicious Brownies

Random drug tests are the bane of some workers’ existence. They want to smoke weed after a hard day and relax. But then their companies sting them despite not hurting anybody. However, this Twitter user had a novel reaction to the news of an upcoming drug test. He decided that if he was going down, he was taking everybody with him.

Lighting A Fire

It’s a fact that many people hate their jobs and every moment of their working life. If they could quit immediately, they would, but unfortunately money talks. One person revealed the extremity of a grocery store worker’s hatred for his position. This came after they asked if they could try a grape.

@clichedout wrote: “I asked the produce guy if I could try a grape and he said he wouldn’t care if I lit the store on fire with him in it.” We hope that one day he finds some fulfillment because this doesn’t seem like a healthy way to live. Sadly, many people wake up in the morning and feel this way.

Recent Wins

There are many inspirational threads on Twitter where somebody tries to make it a platform for positivity. However, the reality is that it’s a cesspool of misery and self-loathing. So it was no surprise that there were some bizarre replies when one person asked his fellow users to share their recent wins.

@carltoneubanks wrote: “My wife died on Thanksgiving.” Remarkably, somebody would explicitly write this on social media but it’s not a shock that he’s hiding his face. Imagine the negative influence that she had on him if that’s how he felt about her death. This tweet is borderline criminal but nobody can question his honesty.

Dream Big

There is a good reason why many celebrities have social media managers. This is because they want to ensure that they keep their image squeaky clean and don’t accidentally say something untoward. Unfortunately, normal people don’t have access to this resource.

But there’s little doubt that some people would benefit from it. Take the following example of a person who revealed a little too much about their dreams. @upblissed revealed: “That family of 4 I ran over in 2017 was in my dream last night.” This is a fine example of a tweet that is downright criminal.

206 Bones

Here’s another situation where somebody tried to preach and share a positive message on Twitter. The Twitter user wrote: “Don’t break people’s hearts! They only have one.” Then they included a sad face emoji to emphasize their feelings and ensure a feeling of guilt spread across the internet.

But Twitter isn’t a kind place and immediately another user reminded everybody about this. They replied: “Yeah break their bones, they have 206.” This type of response is downright criminal but most users enjoy this type of trolling. It’s a ruthless response that taught the preaching person a lesson.

3 am Confession

Nobody should take advantage of somebody when they’re under the influence of drugs. There are many horror stories of men slipping pills into women’s drinks with horrible intentions. But this woman revealed that it’s not just men who commit this type of heinous act. However, her method was more intelligent and nefarious.

The Twitter user explained how she committed a criminal act in her sophomore college year. She wrote: “I rubbed coke on my gums right before I made out with a dude because I thought he would get a rush and fall in love with me.” The craziest aspect is that it worked.

Tooth Typing

There are some horrible people in this world who take things too far. It might be better if they didn’t enter public life because of their creepy behavior. The following image shows one of the most harrowing things we’ve seen on the Internet. We don’t know what this horrible excuse for a human was thinking.

@Socialpariah wrote: “I keep pressing the wrong key on my keyboard so I glued a bunch of teeth on it and now I can differentiate by touch while I work.” This makes Hannibal Lecter look like a sane and rational human being. If that’s how they access the Internet, it’s better not to imagine what they search.

Gas Leak

Everybody has been to a party where there were people that they didn’t like. We’d love to burn the house down around them but that would be criminal behavior and isn’t acceptable. However, this person alluded to this in a scorching tweet as they hinted at committing mass murder.

They wrote: “Me taking one last look at the party before leaving the gas stove on and leaving.” This would be an ingenious way to eliminate one’s enemies from this existence. It would be very difficult to prove that they had any involvement in a criminal act. What a terrible but equally magnificent idea.

Learning Lessons

Many people are visual learners and enjoy watching documentaries when they want to learn about a topic. However, some people take this too far and then share their thoughts with the internet. This person tweeted: “Watching documentaries about serial killers so you don’t make the same mistakes as them.”

This may not be the best way for a potential serial killer to learn their trade but it’s a beginning. However, it’s amazing how popular serial killer shows and documentaries are. The recent Jeffrey Dahmer series on Netflix reveals the appeal that this subject matter generates (via Women’s Health Mag).

April Fools

Incest is one of the biggest societal taboos out there but it’s become a part of the conversation because of Game of Thrones (via Express). Perhaps one family took this too far because they disclosed too much about their relationship on social media. One woman tweeted that she told her cousin he got her pregnant as an April Fool’s Joke.

Then she wrote that it scared him but this confused a lot of other internet users. One of them replied: “Why was he scared?” with the image that’s visible above. She inadvertently told them too much about her forbidden antics with the man. It’s gross but there are some grim people out there.

Burger King

It’s amazing the lengths that people will go to when boredom sinks in. Most companies require former employees to hand in their uniforms after they leave the position. However, this former Burger King staff member managed to keep a hold of his old clothes. Then he used them to entertain the world as he explained on Twitter.

He revealed that he randomly wore the uniform into a Burger King restaurant and pretended to be a manager. Then he proceeded to ‘fire’ and suspend multiple employees. But it wasn’t completely bad because he gave a pretty girl a raise. Then he left after wreaking havoc and leaving the building in a state of chaos.

Happy Meals

Fast food chains are a goldmine when it comes to criminal behavior. They’re also a child’s paradise because they love junk food and receiving toys too. The McDonald’s Happy Meal is one of the most famous sets that every youngster dreams of. However, one person decided to teach a little boy a harsh life lesson.

The evil person revealed that the boy wanted a happy meal but he spotted that there were only four left. He screamed at his mother to hurry up but that’s when our amazing villain committed an act of pure savagery. He ordered the four Happy Meals and walked away with the child in tears.

Only Fan?

This is one of the weirdest of these downright criminal tweets and we don’t think that this man will be winning a father of the year award. However, his daughter seems to have a different opinion about him because she’s milking him for cash. That’s because he subscribed to her OnlyFans account and even tips her (via Twitter).

She may not be involved in anything sordid at all. Maybe she teaches music or is an artist of some kind. However, there’s no denying that it is immediately jarring to read this tweet. There are serious questions about the relationship between this father and daughter because it’s so creepy.

Burger King

Sometimes the Internet is a cruel place with no chill. One Burger King worker discovered this the hard way after she shared that she sometimes stole sandwich bags from the chain. However, another Twitter user immediately responded and burnt her. They tagged every official Burger King account they could find as they tried to bring her to justice.

The original poster immediately responded in shock but the damage was done. We don’t know what was the consequences of her minor criminal actions but the Internet ratted her out. It’s always risky to post online because it lasts forever. Let’s hope that she didn’t lose her job because Burger King can handle it.

Baby Yoda

Grogu was one of the most popular new additions to the Star Wars universe. Popularly known as ‘Baby Yoda,’ the adorable alien warmed the hearts of even the most hardened viewer. However, it appears that it also excited somebody in an unfortunate and slightly disturbing way.

Check out his reaction to the announcement of a life-size replica of the little alien. He plans to use it for a purpose that would put him on a list in the Star Wars galaxy. It’s safe to say that the Mandalorian wouldn’t respond well to this. He’s lucky that this is all completely fictitious (via Twitter).

Jury Duty

Most people see jury duty as an unfortunate obligation because it creates a lot of stress. This public service may force them to take time away from work or family. Furthermore, they may encounter traumatic evidence and horrible crimes. It’s a tough situation for ordinary folks to deal with.

However, this person didn’t care much about the verdict. They decided to make life easier by putting the decision to a Twitter poll and then standing by that. It’s a criminal tweet in the most literal sense and completely devoid of ethics. Let’s hope that they actually committed the crime.

Dark Secret

This Twitter thread turned dark very quickly after one person replied. Somebody asked the general question “what was your school’s biggest scandal?” Most people expect to hear about a teacher hitting a child or something of that nature. But this response was ludicrous in its extremity.

They said that 50% of the blood that their school donated came back HIV-positive. We don’t know if this was legitimate or if they have a criminal sense of humor. Let’s hope it’s the latter because that must be a horrible place to study. We imagine the blood donation people didn’t return anytime soon.

Hello Dad

Here’s another person who must have enjoyed Game of Thrones too much with his sister. They followed in the footsteps of the Lannisters and the Targaryens by becoming too intimate. Incest is taboo in almost every culture because it can cause irreparable physical and mental damage to children.

This grim human being wrote: “OMG my sister just gave birth, I’m now a father.” Perhaps it’s a poor use of punctuation and he didn’t mean what he shared with the world. It could also be that he was looking for a reaction from his fellow social media users. After all, there are plenty of attention seekers online.

Goodbye Granny

Don’t expect to find sympathy from fellow internet users because they won’t give any. One person shared a picture of their recently deceased grandmother on Twitter. They wanted to share their emotions with the world but this didn’t end well. Somebody responded in the most savage manner possible.

First, they described the picture of the late woman as ‘terrifying.’ The author of the original tweet gave them the backstory and revealed that she passed away. However, they replied “thank god,” as they showed no empathy. To be fair, it isn’t the most flattering image of the old woman.

T-Rex Hunter

The following picture describes the weapon that Chris Pratt carries in the movie, Jurassic World. Allegedly, this rifle is powerful enough to take down a T-Rex. One person left a criminal response to this innocent tweet as they agreed that the gun possesses enough strength.

He wrote: “I shot a T-Rex two days ago. Dropped like a sack of potatoes. Still don’t know why it was carrying a bucket of candy though.” The Twitter user left this reply a couple of days after Halloween. Yes, that’s right, he’s claiming that he shot a Trick-or-Treater in a T-Rex costume.

Driver’s License

It’s always a landmark moment when somebody gets their driver’s license. Suddenly, they have the freedom to take a vehicle and travel around of their own accord without relying on others. However, one Twitter user asked what is special about a license because they didn’t think about this.

Another replied: “Nothing you don’t need it. Mine has been suspended for nine months and I still drive.” This moron is admitting to criminal activity because they’re illegally taking to the roads. It’s remarkable how dumb they are because they broke the law to lose it in the first place.

Cheap Drugs

Many people try not to give cash to homeless people because they worry that they’ll misuse it. They prefer to buy them something warm to eat or drink because they don’t want them to use it for drugs. However, it’s unfair to assume that every homeless person is abusing illegal substances.

The person above gave five bucks to a homeless guy when an elderly lady said that he would use the money for drugs. “I confronted him and asked where I could also get drugs for five dollars,” they wrote. It’s a funny response to common bigotry and one that brought a lot of joy to the Internet.

Meth Meal

Sometimes people take a lie too far and this results in chaos. According to the Twitter user below, that’s exactly what happened in this situation. We can see a picture of multiple heavily-armed police officers standing behind a McDonald’s counter as they survey the scene.

The tweet’s author wrote: “I should not have joked about my McDonald’s having a meth lab in the back. If this is true, the person may find themselves in serious trouble. Lying to law enforcement is a criminal act and this would be a massive waste of police resources. But there’s no pretending that it isn’t very funny.

Criminal Confession

It’s amazing what people will do when nobody is watching. We think that children are innocent and would never consider doing a criminal act but that’s not true. Sometimes they engage in disturbing or wacky behavior because they receive a strange compulsion. The following situation reveals this in the most disturbing manner possible.

One person tweeted: “When I was a kid I dropped a pocket knife off a bridge on a homeless guy.” The picture adds to the pensive and creepy nature of this confession. It’s bizarre that somebody would do this but if nobody is watching, they wouldn’t face any consequences.

Cracked Skull

M&M’s are some of the most popular snacks in the world. The candy shell-coated chocolates are a tasty treat and are available everywhere. Commercial advertisements see anthropomorphized M&M’s interact with each other like the one below. They speak and move around like people except that they’re chocolates.

However, this also makes the image above very disturbing. As one Twitter user observed: “He’s holding what’s his equivalent of an infant’s cracked skull.” They didn’t need to share this with the Internet because now we can’t unsee it. Who needs that eating M&M’s would be such a traumatic experience?

Game Pirate

Some of the tweets on this list are criminal in the most literal sense. We’ve spoken before about how blasé people can be on the internet when they hide behind a faceless profile. If they receive some traction and people like their posts, they’ll feel a sense of confidence that makes them do even more.

One person replied to Nintendo America’s official Twitter account after they advertised a new Mario Kart game. They antagonized the gaming studio by bluntly stating: “I pirate your games.” Imagine if Nintendo took out a bounty on these faceless illegal downloaders and tracked them using their IP addresses.

Where’s the Rest?

This person took issue with the U.K. supermarket Sainsbury’s because they short-changed her. She bought a 500g tray of beef mince for her dinner but then she went home and weighed it before complaining to the brand’s supermarket account. Firstly, this is a level of pedantic behavior that we can’t believe.

Other Internet users thought that this was ridiculous and came back with some hilarious responses. “You’ve bought bolognese Kelly, not Cocaine,” was the funniest reaction. It’s no surprise that this person received a lot of likes because it was a brilliant putdown. We hope she survived without her missing 22 grams of mince.

Confessions Thread

Internet users will bring down the tone and make things disturbing very quickly. The following image is a fine example because it shows what happens when people receive a platform. Somebody opened up a confession thread on Twitter and asked people to confess their dark sins.

Needless to say, this went downhill very quickly with some criminal tweets. One responder said that they stole the bones of an old man who died in a neighboring cabin. Remarkably, people do this type of thing in real life but it appears to be the case. Never trust anyone because things turn weird in a moment.

Santa the Robber

Some people are incredibly stupid as the following Twitter thread shows. It was Christmas Eve and somebody heard a lot of noise downstairs. She joked that she thought Santa Claus was in her house because of all the noise below. Then she told him to make himself a sandwich but didn’t go and check what was happening.

This was a mistake because the next tweet showed several pictures of her house after it was robbed. It emerged that somebody robbed her house while she was tweeting in her bedroom. It’s ludicrous that somebody could ignore this criminal activity to make a few jokes online.

Rapid Escalation

Here’s a situation where things escalated quickly on the Internet. One person tweeted that for every like they received they would leave a hot take on Twitter. Firstly, we don’t know why they think anybody cares about their opinion about anything. Nonetheless, nine people played his game.

It started innocently as he said that he thinks MLB playoffs have the best atmosphere in sports. That’s not so contentious but then he took it too far. He wrote: “Domestic violence when someone cheats should be ok.” Needless to say, this went down like a lead balloon as people immediately roasted him on Twitter.

Uber Eats

One person came up with a brilliant way to scam fast food chains. He threw up the following message on Twitter as he revealed his devious scheme. Simply pretend to be a delivery driver and receive free food from the counter. Somebody replied and preached the moral high ground but nobody cared.

Another Twitter user revealed: “I created a door dash account just to steal people’s orders. I never did one delivery. Took them two months to stop me.” This is the type of criminal activity that deserves a Netflix series. It sounds incredibly intense and who knows how they finally got caught.

I’m Drunk

One of the most frustrating things in the world is when delivery orders take their time to arrive. Everybody wants their food to come immediately but that’s not how it works. Sometimes drivers encounter traffic or struggle to find the address. Then there are the ones who abuse their job like the person below.

He revealed that he was working for DoorDash and his customers didn’t have patience for him. Then he admitted that he was drunk and inadvisedly told them to calm down. Some of his fellow delivery workers may think that this is a reasonable excuse because it’s a thankless task.