19. Loaning To Family or Friends Just Doesn’t Work
A deleted Reddit user shared their story, saying, “Not necessarily a lot of money, but it was a good amount. A situation did happen when the money my dad and mom were going to invest in buying property in the Caribbean didn’t happen due to her cheating and all. We had some family become aware and my dad, being the generous man he was, gave in to such demands from family. The family he hasn’t talked to started asking for phones, clothes, etc. He gave in. I was mad about it because he was just giving our hard-earned money away to people we haven’t been in contact with for years.”
“Things started to go downhill when my dad bought me a rather expensive gift and my family found out. They started saying I didn’t deserve it and it should be given to them instead. They called me a mooch, and my dad finally realized what they were doing. The money dwindled quickly, and now we’re starting over from scratch with nothing.” This family went through a trying time with the mother’s infidelity. No matter how rich you are, it’s a good idea to avoid loaning money to family or friends to save you a lot of heartache.
Mor-Rioghan said, “My money came in the form of accidental death inheritance after my dad died in a motorcycle crash. His girlfriend at the time was furious that he left everything to me. She tried to convince me to give her money, and when I refused she took everything, and I mean everything from his house overnight. She rented two U-Hauls and her and her brother raided the place. Furniture, household supplies, food, clothes, everything was gone. By the time I got there, the only things left were a few t-shirts she left on the floor and a couple of empty cans of soda on the kitchen counter. She even took things that held no monetary value, like a calendar I made my dad for father’s day one year.
“It was just colorful cardboard and pictures of us I had glued together. She took it all. She started selling things on Facebook, mostly his woodworking tools and fishing gear, and she fled to somewhere in the next state over. We tried to get help from the police but they didn’t do much. She did many other things that were bigger legal issues I guess. (She ran a fake GoFundMe claiming the funds were going to his funeral and managed to get over 10 grand from his coworkers. However, I’m the one who paid for the services.) Last I heard they finally found her in some woodsy town, but I don’t know what happened. It’s honestly too emotional to deal with. I’ve accepted the fact that she most likely destroyed or sold everything already anyway. Now it has been two years since this all happened. It’s sad.”
Reddit user ThadisJones shared, “So a few years out of college, my girlfriend and I were living in a sort of large communal apartment with 5 other people (2 bedrooms, 2 couches in the common area). I had just gotten a significant promotion at my job and that situation was exceptionally below my means. However, my GF was convinced that these were her people and they were all going to become great philosophy writers and poets by living together and sharing experiences. They were all unemployed or underemployed and experienced moochers, so I was very careful not to let them know I was saving large sums of money with the intent of moving out soon and taking my GF with me (or not…).
“One day, the other couple argued about rent and to try and keep them from coming to blows my GF promised them that I’d cover it for them and showed them one of my pay stubs. I got home from work and walked right into an “apartment meeting” ambush, where everyone else informed me that they wanted me to contribute “more meaningfully.” They’d put it to a vote before I got back. I told them that I was already paying for the food (that they kept guilting my GF into buying). And many other things. I wasn’t going to cover other people’s rent. The next day when I was at work, someone destroyed my laptop — the only thing of value I owned at the time. I collected the few things I wanted to take, told my GF I was breaking up with her, and walked out.”
Stayinschool-ttyshared, “My bf found himself in a situation like that. He was living with 3 other people in an apartment. It was one couple and a single guy. The situation was bad from the start. The couple was addicted to who knows how many kinds of drugs and one month decided not to pay rent, and the single guy, being petty as heck, decided if they weren’t paying rent, then he wasn’t. My bf paid all the rent that month plus utilities. He was making significantly more than them as a bartender, and I think they all resented him for that.
“He then went to management and asked to have his lease moved to a 1 bedroom apt in the same complex. Then, he moved out when they weren’t home, and it took his 3 roommates longer than normal to realize he was gone. I am pretty sure they ended up evicted in the end, but I don’t know for sure.” This is a classic story of karma. This man’s roommates took advantage of his money and it backfired on them. They should have done the responsible thing and paid their bills on time instead of losing a good roommate and a home.
Mortimerza said, “Throughout school, I was a bit of a loser, didn’t do well in class, and never really cared. I used to go out all the time with my “friends” and would hang out with them all the time. I did a one-year software development course and then got a pretty crappy job making almost nothing in my country. When my wife got pregnant, all my friends basically ghosted me. A few years down the line, I landed a VERY high-paying remote job ($200k+) for an SF-based company. The average salary for a software developer in South Africa is around $30k per year. My wife was very proud of me, I think, and posted a picture of me on her Facebook standing next to the new car that I had just bought.
“I started getting messages from some of my old “friends” saying that it had been a while and they wanted to catch up and really missed me…There was one guy I always had a soft spot for and decided that I would go have dinner with him and see how the last 4 years of his life treated him. We hadn’t even ordered our food yet when he dropped the bomb on me that he felt that I owed him a lot of money for “always being there for me” and that I would be “selfish” to not give him some money as I had so much. I quietly just got up and left. I eventually changed my number and deactivated my social media accounts. However, people still harass my wife and mother to try and get some money out of me.”
FearlessLingonberry shared, “So, I knew this girl who was a sex worker. I had known her for years, and we had even briefly dated before she got into that line of work. She was always really open about what she was doing and that she enjoyed it. In fact, one of the reasons things hadn’t worked out was that she was way too kinky for me, and I’m pretty open-minded. Fast forward like 10 years, and I had inherited a bunch of money. Not obscenely wealthy, but enough to change my lifestyle. She was one of the few people who were there for me consistently through some dark times, and I was there for her in the same way. I valued her friendship.
“She started talking about how she wasn’t happy anymore and wanted to change directions. I ended up giving her $10,000 that she needed to go back to school, not a loan, just gave it to her. I don’t know what she spent it on, drugs probably, but she didn’t go back to school. She abruptly cut off contact with me (after TWELVE YEARS) and that was that. I still have money, so I’m not even mad about that. She was a legitimately huge support in my life for a long time, when there was no expectation of her ever getting anything out of it, so I’m still grateful for that. I think her demons just got the best of her, and she’s probably really ashamed or maybe even dead, but it was such a painful betrayal.”
Smoffatt34920 opened up with the story about their greedy uncle. “When my grandmother died, her will stipulated that everything was to be split 3 ways. A third to my mother, a third to my uncle, and a third to be split evenly between my sister and me. My uncle wanted to sell my grandmother’s house immediately to get more money out of it, but I wanted to keep it for sentimental reasons. My parents gave me a bit of money, and I used all my inheritance to buy out my uncle’s share of the house. I paid my parents back over the next few years, but the property became much more valuable. Over the following 10 years, while I lived in the house, property values in my city exploded.
“The house that I bought was also in a very desirable neighborhood and was worth well over double what I paid for it. It has continued to climb. When I paid out my uncle’s share, the estimated value was around $300,000. Last year the neighbor’s house (almost identical) sold for 945,000. Needless to say, my uncle has said multiple times that when I sell the house, he is legally entitled to more money out of it. That is bull crap. He is not getting another penny from me. I plan to live here for many more years. He will be long dead by the time I sell.”
Gustavotherecliner shared, “I inherited my beloved Grandma’s house alongside some other properties. As the house and the properties are near a very rapidly developing city, prices have skyrocketed and lead to me inheriting about $1.5m in value. That may sound awesome at first, but it truly isn’t. The house is a very old brick house, built in the late 1700s. The properties are so small and widely distributed I can’t sell them for a good price. As the house is a listed historical building. State-approved professionals must do every repair for restoration and conservations; it doubles if not even triple the costs. I rented it out, but the rent I get is barely enough to cover the costs of repairs, insurance, etc… I am lucky if I get even by the end of the year. This house is where my family lived for 4 generations. …
“I want to keep it in the family as long as possible. Somehow word has spread that I inherited a lot of money. I did my best to stop these rumors, but it didn’t work out. I’ve never had many friends, but the ones I have are true quality friends. They will do everything for me and I will do everything for them. After I got the house and the rumors spread, I got invitations to dinner in some fancy restaurants and sporting events. All these came from people who claimed to be my “friends.” They expected me to pay for everything. “You’ve got so much money; what do this $ 500 matter to you.” – “I’ll pay you back sometimes.” etc… were the common phrases I got to hear. I have now learned who to trust and to spot telltale signs of “vultures.”
Reddit User SodWorkLetsRedditopined on a a story about greed. “A friend of mine lost both parents in the span of about four months. They were pretty old, so it wasn’t completely unexpected, but it still sucked for her. Anyway, when the first parent died, I went to the funeral to offer support. It was a small affair, few dozen people, and most of them friends instead of family, and it’s also where I found out that my friend’s parents have been in minimal contact with their families because neither side approved of the marriage. Then, the second parent dies four months later, and I go to a funeral again, but this time, there are well over a hundred people there.
“It seemed like every aunt, uncle, nephew, and niece suddenly showed up. After the funeral, I’m waiting in the reception area before my friend and her brother come out to thank everybody for coming, and I overhear multiple people talking about how much they’re hoping to get in the inheritance. My friend’s parents didn’t leave a will, so the entire inheritance automatically gets split 50/50 between her and her brother. A few people were decent about it, but most of the family were absolutely horrid. They tried sucking up at first, when that didn’t work, they got angry. One aunt apparently threatened to not let my friend see her nephew even though she had seen that nephew maybe twice in ten years.”
ThePommyHuntsman said, “About 10 years ago or so, my grandfather called my mother one day exclaiming that he’d finally netted in excess of 1 million pounds worth of property. He was always a frugal man and remained that way until the day he died. As the years went on, his health deteriorated and progressed to the point where he needed to have full-time care. We currently live in Australia, but my family is mostly still in the UK. My aunt, who still lives there, was responsible for sorting out all of his needs. As all of this was happening, she was looking into his financial details and his will. What was peculiar was that in his state of dementia, he had apparently closed all of his bank accounts and withdrawn any money in cash.
“As a result of that, the banks believed that we had hidden the money somewhere and refused to help. What seems to have actually happened is that someone, possibly even himself, who knows, influenced him to withdraw all the money, bought things he didn’t needs, and had repairs done on the house that either didn’t need to be done or didn’t actually get done. Then the money was variously distributed in other ways until it was all gone. The only shred of a paper trail that we have is that we got word that his gardeners no longer live in the UK, seemingly up and left around the same time this all happened, and now live in the Canary Islands.”
“When I was young, like 10, I won $100 on a Nevada pull tab ticket at the local country fair. It was in a curling rink where vendors had handmade crafts,” shared Thatiswhathappened. “When I cashed it, a lady who was selling knitted teapot cozies was like “oh where are you going to spend all that?” Then she asked me to spend $15 on one of her cozies. I told her, “thanks but I’m going to save it for a video game console” (original Nintendo). She then called me a selfish little brat and said her teapot cozy was much more valuable than a stupid video game.
“I was so nervous that I just bought one. I gave it to my mom and she thought it was the most wonderful gesture and it turned out that lady was right. The love I got from that cozy was much more valuable because my mom paid the difference for the Nintendo the next week.” It sounds like everything worked out in the end for this Reddit user. The woman selling the teapot cozies shouldn’t have pushed a child to buy while being verbally abusive.
Reddit user Cannoliiishared, “Before the recession hit, my dad had a pretty lucrative small business and we lived comfortable middle-class lives. He would often lend his family money since most of his sisters didn’t amount to much in their lives. They would never pay him back. And often hassle him to give them money since he was so well off. After the recession hit, we took a big dive and still were able to live ok but had to sell a lot, lost our insurance, and basically lived paycheck to paycheck while my dad worked 7 days a week to make ends meet.
“After everything he’s done over the years, not one of them would help when we needed it. One of my uncles has even been more well off with a car dealership and refused to aid my father with a loan, even though my father always pays his debts. I have a lot of terrible stories about them through the years. Finally, he’s cut them all out of his life after almost losing my mom through a divorce last year and nearly drinking himself to death the past three years. They are truly terrible, greedy people. It’s taught me a lot about the kind of person I want to be and who I want to surround myself with.”
Reddit user tribble0001 shared a story about his friend. “A guy I grew up with came into a lot of money after his grandfather died. His father and aunt got more and it filtered down through to the grand kids. I’d moved away so hadn’t seen or spoke to him much but caught up when visiting my parents. All his “friends” started inviting him out for drinks, which he’d pay for his own, meals as he would normally do. His brother and cousins had wasted all their inheritance. His uncle and aunt too, but as his parents ran their own business, I suppose the fact they had invested their cut was normal thinking for him.
“I asked how bad the begging became. His brother tried to access his online banking to transfer money to his account (parents were not impressed), his cousins sent him and his parent’s fictional bills for expenses relating to the funeral (four years after the burial). It was shocking the lengths these people went to because they had squandered their money and wanted more. I wished him all the best for the future, and we’ve chatted a bit on social media, and the begging/conning is still going on. 10 years later, his brother is now heavily in debt, but no one will bail him out. Which he thinks is unfair.”
Reddit user Ayayay4444had a specific story. “People weren’t begging, but we felt like they were jealous and envious and did not approve of our decision. Basically, my husband came into money because he had a number of severe permanent injuries from his prior job. So he got paid out a large sum and decided to stop working for a while. This was because we had been through some very serious illness. (I was ill) and personal circumstances which screwed us both up mentally. We wanted to take the time to recover our mental health. Secondly, he needed to study to change careers because he was unable to work in his former career due to injuries.
“Many people, even our parents, disagree with him having even a few months off work to recuperate. This really drives me up the wall. There have been so many people that don’t think we ‘deserve’ the money and are envious of the house we were able to buy with it. *Edit: Thanks for the up-votes! It means a lot to us to know that we aren’t overreacting to the situation, and getting our lives back is so positive!” It sounds like this family went through a trying time with injuries and illnesses.
Upperslide8had a tough story to stomach. “Not technically begging, but still a horror story in my opinion. When I was around the age of 5, I had a job. Of course, my mom helped out tremendously and got me involved in this career platform, but it took a lot of time and effort on both of our parts so we quite the profit from it. All the money was deposited under my name though, so I could use it once I turned 18. I Didn’t know this until I actually turned 18, but a trusted family member who knew my account information went into my account and took a good portion of the money.
“It was pretty messed up realizing that someone who had already done some pretty f***ed up s*** to me during my life also felt comfortable enough basically stealing money from a child. It still upsets me to this day because I wish that money could’ve gone to my mom. She deserved it more than anyone. EDIT: for those wondering what job I had at age 5, I was in the acting and modeling industry.” What kind of person who considers themselves family would steal from a child?
Reddit user TheDirtSyndicatehas a story of a money hungry stepfather. “I have a similar story only I was a bit older, around 13 or 14. Anyway, I had been mowing lawns for the past few years because there was a bike I wanted. My stepfather even set up an account in my name for me so that I could save. I kept track of everything in my own notebook. When I had enough to buy the bike, I went to my stepfather all proud of myself, showed him my notebook, and he pretty much said “what account?” I was devastated. Then it all made sense. All of a sudden we were having an above-ground pool put in the back yard.
“I never got to swim in it either… shortly after this, I ended up moving in with my mom. She found out what happened and wasn’t happy. Okay, to clear up a few questions… when my mom got pregnant, my father denied that I was his. Around the time that I was born, she ended up marrying my stepfather. They had a kid, my half-sister. A year or two later my mom abandoned us for drugs. She left me and my half-sister with my stepfather. A few years later my stepfather remarried, so I had two step-parents. Sorry for the confusion.”
Mcwobby shared a story of how his wealth got out to the public. “I’m a fairly average guy in my mid-twenties who always wears the same $2 T-shirt and $5 jeans, but over the years it started to leak out that I had some money after a combination of me buying a business in my very small home town, a gossipy girl from school who saw me on SeekingArrangement and enough Social media posts showing me constantly traveling in business class or whatever and the fact I seemed to do very little actual work. Then in the last year or so, I’ve discovered a seemingly entire new branch of my family tree and a whole bunch of people from high school I don’t remember ever saying more than a few words to suddenly claiming me as their childhood best friends.
“I caught up with an old actual schoolmate who knew me well enough and was having coffee. She asks, “is it true you bought a plane?” and a few things like that, that were absolutely insane. The Chinese whispers in my town had apparently gone absolutely crazy. I’m always uncomfortable running into someone when I’m back there because everyone thinks I’m some crazy playboy millionaire when I spend most of my time in a blanket fort on the internet like everybody else. The extended family is the worst though because they harass my mum, dad, and grandmother, who know nothing about my financial situation to borrow money. Many of these people I’ve never met in my life.”
Reddit User JackJustice1919 shared a story about his mother. “Not exactly a horror story, but kinda funny anyway…I got front-ended in a car in 2016, and it messed me up pretty bad. My lawyer screwed up the case, and by the time it settled, the medical costs were paid, and the lawyers took most of it (for being s*** at their jobs). I had a high 5 figures in my bank account. My estranged mother just SMELLED that I had money somehow and started asking for loans and if I wanted to go on vacations with her and things. Seriously, no one in my family would ever talk to her or tell her I had cash.
“She had some sort of sixth sense where she figured it out and suddenly wanted to “reconnect” with me. It was freaking amazing. What sucks is I let her swindle me for a bit of it. She gambled with it and won two thousand dollars at a casino. But hey, she bought me lunch that day, so… I guess my mother has technically gotten me SOMETHING in the last two decades.” It’s bad enough they were estranged but to have the audacity to ask for money is a different story.
TimeyWimeys has a story about their stepfather trying to grub their inheritance. “My mother died, and I ended up being the fifty-fifty beneficiary with the other half being my stepfather. My stepfather mentioned that my mother had a lot of debts and asked if I’d be willing to help with some of them. Being more than a little naive and thinking it would be, at most, 5k, I said, sure, how much do you need? The first quote he gave me was 25k, and it wasn’t that substantial of an inheritance I received. I was pretty flabbergasted and backed off a bit to say I needed to think about it. However, every time I inquired again, wondering if he’d rethink his actions, the number he asked for kept climbing. Then the requests turned into demands.
“Now I don’t talk to my stepfather at all. The final number he demanded was more than what I received in the first place. And I was not a rich, well-established person with a career at the time. I was 21 and still very much struggling to find my way after having been essentially driven out of the home. He hadn’t been my abuser; I had kind of held out hope at the time that, even though he stood back for most of the abuse, he wasn’t that bad of a person. It took me several years to realize just how f***ed up it is to demand the inheritance money of the poor, struggling, abused child of your dead spouse.”