Here at Self-Made, we try to give you tips on how you can succeed and hopefully become a self-made millionaire. Yet unfortunately, once you become wealthy, there are going to be plenty of people who will try to take advantage of you. A “gold digger” is someone who is only in a relationship for money. They don’t actually love the person they are with, and they are simply using them for financial gain.
We don’t want to stereotype, here, but usually, a “gold digger” is a young, beautiful woman who marries an older rich man. There are also plenty of young, attractive men who go after “cougar” women in order to take advantage of their wealth. And, of course, it happens in a non-binary relationship too. So in all fairness, I am going to say “they” instead of “she” as often as possible. Here are the 30 signs that someone is secretly a gold digger.
30. They Ask to Go Somewhere Expensive On the First Date
Most of the time, a gold digger won’t even bother going on a date unless they get a free meal from a five-star restaurant. Some people try to play it off as being “romantic” to go somewhere fancy, but it could actually be a test to see if you can afford to pay for an expensive meal. So how much is “too much?” You obviously shouldn’t take someone to McDonald’s on a first date because it gives off the wrong impression. But the restaurant shouldn’t be so expensive that it would normally be reserved for special occasions like a birthday or anniversary.
Recently, a friend of mine met a girl on a dating app, and he asked her to pick the place where she wanted to eat. She recommended her “favorite” seafood restaurant. Once they got there, the meals were served in tiny portions and his date didn’t hold herself back from ordering wine and dessert, so the final bill was over $100. Even though the conversation was just okay and they hardly had any chemistry, she immediately suggested going to yet another expensive restaurant on the second date.
Gold diggers always expect you to pay for every single date. Even if you bring it up in conversation, they might tie it into your masculinity, insisting that it’s a man’s job to pay for things. If you feel insecure about being a “real man,” it might be enough to trick you into continuing to treat for every single meal. In other scenarios, they might make excuses. People who aren’t gold diggers will offer to split the check, pay for the tip, or treat you every once in a while. Relationships should be give and take.
In the example I just gave in the last entry, the woman who suggested going to an expensive seafood restaurant for the first date immediately stood up to go to the bathroom as soon as the check came. She never attempted to offer to help pay for the bill or the tip. When she texted my friend about the second date, he texted back, “These places are kind of expensive. Are you treating next time?” The response was a long string of multi-paragraph texts about how we live in a patriarchy, and that men “should” pay for everything. I told my friend to run.
Normally, people realize that it’s rude to ask about money so they avoid asking about it. Many successful men like to volunteer how much money they make within the first few dates, even if they aren’t asked. Most men tie their success to their worthiness as a partner. So they don’t pick up on the signals when a woman is asking about it too much.
On a first date, it’s normal to ask the standard questions about what you do for a living, what your hobbies are, and what your family is like. But a gold digger will ask more questions about your income. It might not be as blatantly obvious as asking the question outright, but their conversation will always go back to money.
Most gold diggers have an inflated sense of entitlement. Instead of working hard for the things they want in life, they believe things should be given to them. They might have been spoiled by their parents. When you go out to a restaurant, they might be rude to waiters because they seem themselves as superior. You should be able to tell when someone has a sense of humility or not.
Ask yourself if this person truly is entitled to the lifestyle they want, or if they are simply a gold digger. Do you really want to be the person that provides them with this lifestyle? People who are truly in love have been willing to walk away from fame and fortune for the sake of their relationship. Look at Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, who recently gave up their titles and returned over $2 million to the British royal family. Keeping their marriage together meant more than royal titles. That’s true love.
You should always be wary when you meet someone that has expensive tastes. Truly successful people who are self-made millionaires are usually very frugal. Even if they can appreciate the finer things in life, they know their limits as to what they can spend. A gold digger doesn’t seem to have a lot of respect for how long it takes to earn a dollar. They simply want the best in life because they think they deserve it.
If someone has no job yet they want nothing but designer clothing in their wardrobe, a luxury car, a purebred dog, and expensive vacations, you will end up being the one who provides that lifestyle for them.
When you’re first dating a gold digger, they will sometimes test the waters by pretending to have a financial crisis. Suddenly, their car will break down and they need money for a repair. Or, they will “accidentally” break their laptop within the first few dates, and call you in a panic because they need a new one. Be careful, because they are most likely testing to see if you’ll buy them a new one. If you offer to buy them something, they know that they have you.
Someone who takes responsibility for their own life would never ask someone they barely know to pay for these things they want. And if they needed to borrow money, it would be more likely for them to go to their parents instead of this person that they have only been dating for a couple of months. Instead of immediately giving money to someone who is in a “financial crisis,” ask them if they have other options. They might make the excuse that their parents are not willing to loan them money. Why do you think that is? The fact that they are asking you in the first place is a huge red flag. If you are their only option for help, it means you are allowing yourself to become the new person willing to lend them money.
As we mentioned earlier, gold diggers usually feel entitled to the finest things in life. This is why they might not even say “please” and “thank you.” Instead of feeling grateful, they feel as if they are getting what they deserve from others. If you get the vibe that someone generally doesn’t have good manners or doesn’t appreciate things others do for them, this is a sign that they are a gold digger.
Also pay attention to how they treat their parents. Are they sweet to their parents over the phone, or are they constantly snapping at them? If they are not showing any signs of appreciation towards the people who raised them, this shows that they don’t care about the ones who are supposed to be closest to them in life. It is always possible that they had a difficult relationship with their parents, but most people still try to show their parents a baseline level of respect.
Most gold diggers are unemployed or have an easy job that requires very little effort. When you try to ask them what they do for work, they might briefly describe a string of jobs that don’t add up to very much of a resume. These people usually still find a way to get the things they want even if they don’t work. So many of them don’t see the point in working as long as they convince people to give them an allowance.
When you are a young college student, it’s more difficult to spot a gold digger, because a lot of people your age are going to be unemployed. However, there are plenty of high school and college students who find a job because they have a sense of independence. Most people who want to take responsibility for themselves as an adult will make sure they have a job. Even at an early age, you can tell when someone is generally lazy when they refuse to look for work.
Conversations with gold diggers tend to be very shallow. Subject matter never gets too deep into politics, current events, or religion. More often than not, they don’t concern themselves with worldly matters because they are self-absorbed. They aren’t very good listeners, because they are too busy thinking about themselves. During a date, they might be on their cell phone, and when posed a question, their response might be to ask you to repeat yourself. Their answers to questions are often very shallow as well.
When you go on dates, they might suggest activities that don’t involve a lot of talking. Gold diggers almost never bother to find out your favorite color, movie, or food. They might even forget your birthday because it’s a day about giving gifts to you. But as soon as you start talking about material things or money, they will immediately perk up and want to talk about it.
There is a stereotype about not getting along with your in-laws, but when someone truly loves you, they will ask questions about your family and genuinely want to get to know them. This is especially true if you have children from a previous marriage. Women understand how there is an “evil stepmom” stereotype and someone who genuinely loves you will make an effort to get to know your kids. It will also be important for them to get along with your extended family, because they are thinking about having a healthy future together with you.
Most gold diggers will pretend to love you, but they never make the effort to get along with your friends and family. They will rarely ask questions, or be willing to go with you when you are visiting your hometown. If they are extremely manipulative, they might even try to ruin the relationship you have with your parents and siblings to keep you away from the people who actually love and care about you.
When you are getting to know someone, it’s normal to bring up in conversation if you own a house or a car. But a gold digger will immediately want to know what type of car you have. They might also point out the brand of watch you’re wearing, and ask how many you have in your collection. This is very similar to asking about how much money you make because they’re trying to get a good idea about how much disposable income you have.
Once you begin dating a gold digger, they’ll begin to act as if your things are now their things. They might ask you to take a photo of them sitting in your car for Instagram or want to make sure everyone sees them living in a mansion.
Gold diggers tend to spend their significant other’s money on improving their appearance. If you meet a woman who has blonde hair, nails professionally manicured, and a designer wardrobe, you immediately know that she’s high-maintenance. In some cases, a woman will look very well put-together if she has a good job. But professional women are usually more understated in their elegance, and they don’t feel the need to wear flashy brands with logos all over their bodies.
Remember that a gold digger has little to offer the world besides their good looks. So they will make sure to maintain their physique and upkeep their beauty as much as possible because they see their sex appeal as their meal ticket. If you meet a woman who is high maintenance who doesn’t have a job, you need to ask yourself where she got the money from. It might be rude to ask “how do you pay for all that?” But if you find yourself becoming the beneficiary for her nails, hair, and purses, it’s a sign that she is definitely a gold digger.
Some people like to call an age gap a “May-December romance.” There are people who claim to feel genuinely feel attracted to someone who is older for reasons other than money. Women may say that they want an older man that is more mature, educated, and well-established. And a man’s attraction to young, beautiful women is practically ingrained in their DNA. In some cases, it is a normal, healthy thing and can work out really well.
However, in most cases, if you are an older man who meets a significantly younger woman, chances are that she’s a gold digger. Think about it for just a second. Young, beautiful women have men crawling all over them. All they need to do to find a boyfriend is go to a bar on a Friday night. They could choose to date a younger, more attractive man closer to their own age. So why are they choosing to date an older, less-attractive man? Having an age gap also makes it more difficult to relate to the other person. Jokes and social/cultural references may go over the younger person’s head. Conversations become dull very quickly, and the relationship tends to be one-sided.
You can judge a person by the company they keep. Sometimes, it’s easier to spot a gold digger when you are not in a relationship with one. So if your girlfriend is friends with a group of women who are also clearly gold diggers, it is most likely that you’re in denial about getting one yourself. People tend to become friends with others who are like-minded.
Gold diggers like to be friends with one another in order to feel better about what they’re doing with their own lives. If they can feel like they are not truly a bad person, they will gravitate towards others who are going to give them the confirmation bias they are seeking.
Most people will be cautious before they marry their significant other. After all, it’s a well-known fact that 50% of marriages end in divorce. So if you wanted to prevent that from happening, it would only make sense to take things slow. A gold digger will want to get married relatively quickly. It’s their goal to have you tied down to the marriage so that you are legally responsible for their finances.
Remember that if someone truly wanted to consider living the rest of their life with you, they will want to make sure you both have the healthiest relationship possible. If your partner doesn’t seem concerned with the longevity of your relationship, it’s a sign that you will eventually end up having a divorce.
Gold diggers are often incredibly manipulative when it comes to sex. They realize that they are attractive and that they have their partner wrapped around their finger. So they will withhold sex or saying “I love you” until they get what they want. When this happens, you might find yourself craving love and giving them presents just to get some kind of affection.
Sometimes, this can be more subtle. They will not always come out and say this verbally. You might suddenly find that your partner is no longer interested in having sex with you as they give you the cold shoulder. But the moment you give them an expensive gift, they are suddenly attracted to you again. Without using words, they are conditioning you to give them presents every time you want to have sex with them.
From an early age, gold diggers have been conditioned by their parents to expect extravagant gifts. They were often never taught to be appreciative of the things they receive, or there is just so much entitlement that they refused to see anything inexpensive as being worthy of them. Gold diggers never appreciate gifts that come from the heart. For example, if something was handmade, they might actually throw those gifts in the trash.
Remember that someone who is actually in love with you will not expect to be showered with gifts. And if they see that you put in a romantic effort to give them a gift, they’ll realize that it’s the thought that counts. In fact, many couples actually choose to not exchange gifts when they are trying to save money for a goal they’re working on together. Two grown adults understand that it’s not necessary to receive gifts. Most adults have the ability to buy things for themselves. So if your significant other is putting the expectation on you to constantly buy them gifts, this is a huge problem.
Earlier on this list, we mentioned the fact that gold diggers usually ask about how much money you make. They might also ask about how much your family makes as well. Many old-money families change their wealth through earlier generations. When a gold digger is trying to find their victim, they will also take your parents money into consideration.
If they believe that they can go to them to ask for financial help, or that marrying you means that they will benefit from the inheritance, this might be an incentive for them to be with you. The person you are dating should never ask you if you are included in your parent’s will. For some people, this would be common sense that it is a very odd question to ask. However, far too many people fall into the trap of admitting that they will one day receive family money, and getting used because of it.
When you first begin to date someone, check their social media profiles to see how often they talk about shopping. Some girls might even make it blatantly obvious, saying things like, “I love spending money when it’s not mine.” Gold diggers like to show the world that they have an extravagant lifestyle. They want to feel pampered and worthy of nice things.
So, if you meet a girl who is making minimum wage, and yet her Instagram is full of pictures with her wearing Fendi and Prada, you really need to question where she got that money from. Even if those items are fake, it’s still a sign that she has a desire to own these things and isn’t actually working for them.
A question that everyone needs to ask themselves about their relationship is if their partner would still be with them if they were broke. How much does money play a role in your relationship? Does this person only love you for the success that you have, or do they love your personality?
When someone really loves you, they’re willing to stand by you even if you lost your job. Many partners would even volunteer to go back to work if there was a time of unemployment. If you know deep down that your partner would immediately leave you as soon as you are broke, is that really a relationship you want to stay in?
One of the easiest ways to spot a gold digger is their lack of career goals. When you’re on a first date, you should always ask someone what they do for a living. If they are not currently employed, ask them what they hope to do in the future for work. Whenever someone is very vague about this question or doesn’t seem to have an answer, this is a huge red flag. The person you go on a date with doesn’t necessarily have to be successful in the moment you meet them. But as long as they have a plan for their career, that’s what really matters.
A gold digger might have some semblance of a career goal, but it is usually an inflated sense of their ego. For example, they might say they want to be a model or actress, but they don’t seem to have the motivation or the drive to actually go to any auditions. If you are willing to date someone who is currently unemployed, you should try to look for evidence that they are actually working towards their goals instead of expecting someone else to pick up the check for the rest of their lives.
9. Starting Fights and Accepting a Gift as an Apology
When you get in a fight with your significant other, some people immediately want to buy roses or a gift to help apologize. Maybe this was how you were raised from watching your parents. But in a real relationship where two people care about one another, you shouldn’t need to give a gift in order to work out your issues. If your significant other immediately accepts the gift as a form of apology and forgives you, that is a bad sign. Gifts should never be a substitute for healthy communication. Once this becomes the norm in your relationship, many gold diggers will even start fights over something tiny just so they can get a present.
Patrick Shyu, the former Tech Lead of Facebook, has a YouTube channel where he talks about coding and personal finance. In two or three videos, he explained why his wife eventually filed for divorce. He said that every time they got in a fight, he was expected to bring home an expensive gift like a new pair of diamond earrings. And as time went on, he earned more money at his job. So the gestures of apology had to become more grandiose, like buying her a new car. If he tried to talk to her one-on-one about their issues, she would claim that without gifts, it meant he doesn’t love her.
Good questions to ask early on might be, “How do you define romance?” or “How would you describe your perfect date?” Their definition of romance might sound very cliche and shallow if they mention roses, gifts, and a bottle of champagne. It’s a sign that they are giving what they consider to be a cookiecutter answer without actually feeling deep love and connection. And if their “perfect date” sounds incredibly expensive, you should know that this is what they expect all the time. In general, if their answers seem to be very materialistic, it’s a sign that they’re a gold digger.
Someone who really understands what real love and intimacy is will be more likely to explain “romance” in terms of emotion. Falling in love is like feeling that you have found your other half. They are a person who fits into your life like a puzzle piece and you feel completely comfortable with them. When they talk about their perfect date, they might choose an activity like walking on the beach, hiking, visiting a museum, or doing something that involves having fun and getting to know you as a person.
If you are not sure if you’re dating a gold digger or not, take out a piece of paper and write down the things you have in common with your partner. Do you both like the same TV shows and movies? What about your sense of humor? Also think about your future goals for your children, religious beliefs, and politics. A compatible relationship will have a lot of things in common. There might be a few differences, but overall, you agree with most important core values.
Gold diggers don’t care about having anything in common with you. They usually focus on seduction and going out on dates where the conversation is very shallow. If you make a list, you might realize that your interests and values are at polar opposite ends of the spectrum. There is the saying that “opposites attract,” but if you feel like you’re on an entirely different wavelength, it doesn’t make a lot of sense.
6. They Don’t Seem Concerned With Accidental Pregnancy
Career-oriented people are terrified of accidental pregnancy unless it’s with the right person. They make sure to get on birth control pills, or at least use protection when having sex. If you meet someone who is overly sexual and yet they don’t seem concerned with using protection, this is a huge red flag. Gold diggers will sometimes try to trap you into a relationship with a pregnancy.
Even if you don’t get married, becoming the father of a child means you are responsible for child support. This can be an awful situation for a man to be in, especially if they are not in love with the mother of their child. Men could also do this to women if they are trying to trap them into a relationship. They might make the excuse that they don’t like condoms because they’re uncomfortable. No matter how attractive and seductive someone may be, you should always use protection if you’re not ready to commit to raising a child with them.
Most gold diggers refuse to take responsibility for themselves. If you have ever seen the TV show Parks and Recreation, the character Mona Lisa is a perfect example. She extends her hands to her father, using baby talk, “Money, pweez!” Sure, this is an exaggeration, but most gold diggers truly do like to act in childish ways. By acting childish, you immediately begin to think of them as someone who needs help in order to survive. In reality, they are a full-grown adult and are fully capable of taking care of themselves if they really wanted to.
This is also true for men who are taking financial advantage of women. They might sit around and play video games, never clean up after themselves, and expect their wives to pay for everything. In general, gold diggers want to be pampered, and they realize that by acting like a child, they are more likely to convince you that they need your help.
4. Once You’re Married, They Stop Putting in Effort
The ultimate goal for a gold digger is to get married. This legal union means that once there is a divorce, they are entitled to alimony and child support. So they might shower you with love and affection while you are dating to the point where you might be convinced that they actually love you. But the moment they get married, they will immediately stop putting in as much of an effort because they already got what they wanted.
In fact, you might begin to suspect that they are already scoping out their next victim. Instead of giving you love and attention, they might spend more time at the gym and flirt with younger men. They might actually go out of their way to cause fights because they want to push you to get a divorce.
3. Would You Be Interested If They Weren’t Attractive?
Is your significant other totally out of your league? The dynamic of a gold digger relationship is a two-way street. Whether you want to admit it to yourself or not, the victim is partly to blame for being blindsided by good looks, instead of personality. Most gold diggers catch their victim because they’re attractive. Ask yourself, “If this person was ugly, would I be attracted to their personality?”
Beauty is only skin deep. Even when someone is incredibly attractive, they will begin to lose their luster the longer you’re in an unhappy relationship with them. And if you plan to stay with this person for the rest of your life, they will eventually grow old. When you don’t actually get along with one another, looks no longer matter.
2. They Have a Track Record of Dating Only Rich People
Sometimes, successful people attract others who are equally as motivated. So it’s not actually very strange to see career-driven women dating rich men. However, if you are dating someone who is not very motivated with their career, and yet they somehow manage to score rich boyfriends, it’s a sign they’re a gold digger.
Most gold diggers are emotionally detached, so they will prevent themselves from falling in love. To them, it’s all a numbers game. With each relationship, they try to move up to a wealthier guy to be with. It’s rare for them to be alone to have a time of introspection. They like to hop from relationship to relationship so that they never have a gap in their high-class lifestyle.
Last and certainly not least is that your friends and family are constantly telling you you’re dating a gold digger. They may joke about it, or approach you with genuine concern. You might get offended and try to defend your relationship to them. However, people typically won’t try to get in the middle of a relationship unless they have a real reason to be concerned.
If your friends and family think you’re dating a gold digger, try to see it from their perspective. Are you in denial? After going through this list, if the majority of the bullet points ring true to your relationship, we’re sorry to say that you probably are dating a gold digger.