Home Success Qualities Self-Made Women Look For In Men

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Qualities Self-Made Women Look For In Men

Trista Smith July 31, 2018

The term “power couple” refers to men and women who are successful in their respective fields and come together to form an unstoppable duo. We have Casey Neistat and Candice Pool, Beyoncé and Jay Z, Amal and George Clooney, and the list goes on. There is a common misconception that women look for guys with money. While it may seem that way, the reality is that successful men have traits that most women find attractive. It’s possible to be still working towards your dreams and have the characteristics that ladies are looking for.

These tips have come from a study conducted by Men’s Health Magazine about what women look for in men in general, and this applies to successful women, too. Sometimes, it’s tough to know what women are thinking, so I will also add a secret look into the minds of women with first-hand examples from the perspective of someone very ambitious about a career. Keep in mind that you don’t need all 35 of these traits to get a girlfriend. Nobody is perfect. However, if you are struggling to find a partner, these tips can help you find the love of your life.

35. Maturity

No one wants a partner who’s a stick in the mud, but maturity is crucial when needed. Setbacks and emergencies will always pop up in a relationship, whether it’s a lost job or a broken-down car, and a woman wants a man she can depend on to step up and help in those situations. A man who can’t be trusted to act maturely when times are tough will find himself at a significant disadvantage when dating. Women are often forced into the “parent” role in a relationship and to act like the grown-up one unwillingly.

While maturity is essential, one doesn’t need to give up one childish sense of adventure or fun to achieve it. The most crucial factor of maturity is knowing when said maturity is required. No one wants a man who tells them to stop goofing off on vacation or at a park, but he also needs to know when to put down the video game controller and take control of a situation. Knowing when to act mature and when it’s okay to chill and be goofy is an integral part of growing up, and a man who has mastered it will be far more attractive.

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34. Assertiveness

Have you ever tried to pick a place to eat or a movie with a Midwest resident? You know how difficult it is ever to reach a consensus. Sometimes, people refuse to be assertive about their wants and needs. Similarly, no one wants a partner who will refuse to speak up and say what they want. Instead, they resort to passive-aggressiveness or just a total lack of input. In men, especially, women value a partner who can speak up. State what you want, especially in situations with coworkers or strangers. Confidence is beautiful.

As with many of the traits on this list, assertiveness requires nuance to stop it from becoming bossy or controlling. A truly confident man will be able to assert himself and get his desires and needs communicated politely while also leaving room for his partner to express herself in return so a compromise can be made. All assertiveness with no give would quickly become unattractive and domineering, so make sure your intensity doesn’t come at that cost. However, make sure you don’t fall into a rut of always passing off decision-making to your partner, as this can get quite exhausting.

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33. Accepting

When a woman looks for a long-term partner, she’s most likely looking for a man who will support her and love her just the way she is now, and however, she will change and grow in the future. No woman wants a man who will nitpick and try to change everything about herself to meet so-called ideal womanhood or what a girlfriend or wife should be. Suppose you have a particular image in mind of what your partner needs to be. In that case, you have a responsibility to find that person through dating, not create that person through negative feedback and manipulation.

Whether it be her weight, her appearance, her job, her friends, or anything else, women value a man who will accept and love them where they are currently. Men often want the same thing. It’s very disheartening to begin dating someone great only to find them slowly trying to change everything about you. Women especially need to feel supported and validated by their men, so make sure you’re delighted with where a woman is in her life before engaging her in a relationship so you can be uncritically supportive. If she wants to change something, then have her back, but still love her for who she is.

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32. Independence

It’s often a stereotype that women never want their male partners to go out with friends or have any life outside of hanging out with them. While this may be true for some young relationships, the vast majority of women not only tolerate their partner having their hobbies and interests but encourage it. Hence, they have free time to pursue their hobbies and interests. Codependence is neither healthy nor attractive, so men should keep active with their group of friends and interests. Whether it’s a church group, coworker night, or a group of old friends, having outside activities is healthy for any relationship.

Women also want men who encourage and value their independence. Men who try to limit whom their partners see or what they do outside the home can be terrifying, and women will be quickly turned off by a man who tries to limit their independence. Both partners in a relationship deserve a healthy, independent life from their partners and will be richer for the experiences and memories they bring back to their relationship from those activities. When first dating, you may want to do everything together, and that’s normal, but long-term partners should make sure they keep their own identities.

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31. Protectiveness (Not Jealousy)

Women can sometimes feel like they’re going it alone in the world between discrimination, street harassment, and more. It can be a lonely and, at times, challenging experience being a single, independent woman, so when looking for a man, they highly value a man who is willing to be protective and supportive without crossing over into jealousy. A man being willing to speak up on behalf of a woman being harassed or bothered or having his partner’s back in a dispute with someone is incredibly attractive, while a man who yells at a waiter for smiling at his girlfriend is decidedly not.

Men need to learn the difference between protectiveness and jealousy to be attractive to women. Jealousy can be threatening and suffocating. Work to ensure that the situations you speak up in are indeed to defend and fight for your girlfriend as a person rather than as a commodity you wish to control. One of the easiest ways to do this? Talk to her. Ask her what kind of situations she’d like your support and protection in and which she’d rather you stay out of. Communication goes a long way towards being protective in the right and healthy situations.

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30. Curiosity

A sense of curiosity and wonder about life goes a very long way in making a man more attractive to women. A man who has very narrow interests or is merely content to just plod through whatever life has in store can be difficult for free-spirited independent women. These women greet each new day with a sense of adventure. Displaying a willingness to learn and experience new things makes a man seem confident and engaging. These are attractive qualities to women. Curiosity and a sense of wanting to learn will also make women more satisfied that you are willing to learn about them, which women highly value.

To curate a sense of curiosity, make sure you aren’t coming across as a know-it-all. There is nothing less attractive than a person who thinks they have nothing left to learn globally, and women will lose interest in talking to you very quickly. Alternatively, if you express a desire to learn new things, including things about the woman you are talking to, she will see that you’re likely a good listener and willing to learn about her interests and passions. Women are attracted to men who seem open to new adventures and to learn and listen about them.

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29. Self-Awareness

Do you remember wearing headphones as a kid and singing along quietly to your favorite songs? Then, you would get tapped on the shoulder by someone. They proceed to tell you that you were singing terribly and loudly for everyone to hear. That is likely one of the first encounters we all have with the concept of self-awareness. That means how our behavior affects others. Men aren’t always raised, especially in the United States, to have a powerful sense of self-awareness. They aren’t taught responsibility for their own behavior, so developing that, whether it be about hygiene or life skills, can make you considerably more attractive to women.

Everyone needs to take stock of their strengths and weaknesses, and acknowledging those weaknesses and working to improve them is an integral part of being an adult. Whether you’re a bit of a slob or prone to forgetting to shower now and again, being self-aware of issues that could potentially put women off is incredibly valuable. Showing a sense of self-awareness signals to a woman that you’ll stay responsible for yourself and not need “looking after” from your partner, which is a major turnoff. You can demonstrate self-awareness by admitting to flaws or discussing items you’re working on.

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28. Egalitarian Views

We are now well into the 21st century, and women want men who are fully aware of that fact and not looking for a woman they can send back to the 20th century with their personal views and values. If you want a woman who will just be a homemaker and dote on you every minute like something out of Leave It To Beaver, you are going to be sorely out of luck as very few women hold those values and want that lifestyle anymore. If you think women are lesser or need your protection or management, why do you want to date them at all?

Many women are also looking for men with egalitarian views on domestic labor, emotional labor, and more. Many men are purportedly feminist who think they shouldn’t help with cleaning, raising children and other household tasks. If you do have traditional views on gender roles, you must communicate those very early in dating. That way, women have the option of accepting that or not. Regardless of what types of political and relationship views and values you hold, it’s always important to communicate them. Do it early and honestly to any potential partner since shared values are an essential part of a long-term relationship.

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27. Vulnerability

It’s tough ever to get close to someone who is emotionally closed off and unavailable. People who don’t express any vulnerability can leave a partner feeling isolated and unloved. Unfortunately, men in many societies, including the United States, are typically raised to hide any emotional vulnerability and to be “tough” as a form of showing how masculine they are. Not only does this hurt men, who are every bit as emotional and capable of feeling pain as women, but it can also make men less attractive to women who value a vulnerable partner who lets them into their emotional world.

The vulnerability can be hard to access and express. That is especially for those conditioned not to express emotions. Alternatively, if someone has experienced trauma with previous vulnerability. However, it’s important to tap into one’s own emotional well-being and that of their partners. It’s okay to feel bad sometimes, everyone does, and you will likely feel better sooner if you express those feelings to your partner and let them help you. Men are often told they need to go it alone and “tough it out,” but that’s simply not true, and many women are incredibly interested in finding men who no longer hold that mindset.

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26. Companionable

It seems like it should just be common sense, but given how many books, movies, and jokes are all made about hating one’s spouse, it needs to be said that, above almost anything else, you need to be companionable to attract a long-term partner. A man who is stuffy, dull, or otherwise just not that fun to hang out with is going to be far less attractive to women than a man who is engaging, humorous, and has a sense of adventure. People naturally want to be around fun people, that’s just human nature, and it applies to romantic relationships just as much as friendships.

If you don’t value and enjoy the company of a romantic partner… what’s the point? We are centuries past the ages of marrying for inheritance, alliances, or anything else, so why on earth would any woman settle for a man whose company just isn’t that fun or pleasant? An important thing to think about is whether you enjoy time alone. If you don’t even enjoy being around yourself, how can you expect anyone else to? Cultivate a sense of enjoying time alone through hobbies and gain confidence in that. Being able to enjoy time alone will make you far more attractive as someone to spend time with.

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25. A Sense of Adventure

There is no greater adventure in life than embarking on a new life together with a particular person. Most women find a sense of adventure and wonder in a man incredibly attractive with that in mind. No one wants a dour partner who can’t find the joy in little things, so a sense of adventure signals that you’ll be a companionable and fun partner to share life with. Showing that you love adventure can also be a great sign to women that you’re willing to commit and potentially even have children since both are truly massive life adventures.

It’s relatively easy to display a sense of adventure when dating. Skip the traditional restaurant and movie and do an outdoor activity together if your date has indicated they enjoy the outdoors. Go to a zoo or lead them on a romantic scavenger hunt. There are countless ways to show and share a sense of adventure with a potential partner that will convince them that you won’t become a no-fun stick in the mud. Of course, as with maturity, it’s crucial to realize when stability is more important than adventure and set adventure aside for getting work done or taking care of responsibilities first.

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24. Personal Responsibility

There is nothing more annoying in life than someone who refuses ever to take responsibility for anything and blames every little thing on everyone around them. While the idea of personal responsibility is often misapplied to things like systemic poverty, personal responsibility is a huge factor in healthy romantic relationships. Can you imagine dating someone who blames you for every detail that goes wrong in their life, from spilled salt to not getting a promotion? It would be exhausting and demoralizing, and women can sense men without any personal responsibility from a mile away.

A lack of personal responsibility can manifest in many ways, and essentially all of them are harmful to a relationship and will make you less attractive to women. Potential girlfriends aren’t going to want to clean up after your messes, take the blame for your issues, or feel like they need to “fix” everything on your behalf. A confident man is an attractive man, and personal responsibility is closely tied to confidence and capability. It’s important to show a potential girlfriend that you’re responsible for yourself and manage yourself and your tasks without needing help or making items into other people’s problems.

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23. Sensitivity

Much like with vulnerability, it can be challenging to grow close to someone who doesn’t have any sensitivity. Casual remarks from an insensitive person can do much damage, some even lasting for years to come. It can make emotional intimacy and trust much harder to build. A lack of ever showing emotions can also leave women feeling isolated. In turn, making them feel “crazy” compared to a completely stoic, unemotional partner. Like vulnerability, men in many cultures are raised not to show sensitivity. However, this hurts men themselves and their female partners and is a habit that should be stopped.

Men can show sensitivity in countless little ways. That includes showing empathy and compassion openly, caring openly for pets and loved ones, communicating emotions openly, and more. Some men may already be bristling reading this. Let us just say no, you don’t have to watch “chick flicks” and cry, reference the old harmful stereotypes, and be sensitive. Merely showing that you are aware of and in touch with your emotions is important. Be willing to share them goes a long way towards showing women an attractive sensitivity. Look to your relationships with friends as another way of demonstrating sensitivity, as healthy male friendships can be a great source of it.

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22. Emotional Maturity

Emotional maturity is the ability to handle emotions. That goes double for negative emotions like sadness and fear, without resorting to unhealthy coping mechanisms like anger, lashing out, or substance use. Emotional maturity is an absolute must in a man. Why? Because women know emotionally immature men can be complicated to grow close to and abusive at worst. A man who can’t handle and healthily process his emotions will end up the man who punches holes in drywall. If you want to find, and most importantly, keep, a long-term partner, you need to make sure your emotional maturity is appropriate for your age.

Some simple ways of demonstrating emotional maturity are the ability to take responsibility and apologize when you’re wrong, to process anger by talking about it or venting it through healthy outlets like outdoor exercise, and more. Emotional maturity boils down to simply being aware of and in touch with your emotions and handling them in a way that doesn’t hurt yourself or others. While this is undoubtedly easier said than done, it is imperative to practice emotional maturity to make yourself truly attractive to women. Emotional maturity will also make your own life easier, so it’s an all-around win.

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21. Patience

Patience is a virtue is perhaps one of the most underrated aphorisms out there. Impatient people who nag, poke, and lose their tempers are often challenging people to be around. Anyone with anxiety has probably encountered that impatient person who instantly puts them on edge, which only exacerbates one’s anxiety and makes the very slow or imperfect outcomes that make them impatient more likely to happen. In a relationship, an impatient partner will likely lead to frayed nerves, irritability, and a low sense of self-worth as the partner will be subject to constant lost tempers and fights.

Being impatient is often more tolerated in society, coming from men than women, so it’s imperative to show potential partners that you aren’t impatient to be seen as an attractive match. If a date knocks water over or is a little late, don’t snap or make a rude comment; merely be accepting and kind. Showing a sense of patience is also incredibly attractive to many women who want children down the road. Good parenting requires superhuman amounts of impatience, and an impatient man could make a poor father. If you’re naturally quite impatient, try meditation exercises to gain more patience.

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20. Confidence

Women love men with confidence but remain careful. There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance, and no one likes someone who is stuck-up. When we say confidence, it can handle uncomfortable or unfamiliar situations with a sense of security. Your real confidence comes out when you meet new people or travel somewhere new. It’s about having an “I-got-this” attitude with almost everything. Confidence is also about being your authentic self and being proud of it. Are you a video gamer? Proudly share that fact! Are you knowledgeable about rocks and minerals? Fantastic, tell your partner!

Confidence is key when it comes to winning in just about any industry. Women who have succeeded in their own careers need to have the confidence to get ahead in life because being meek and mild gets us nowhere. Life is also much happier when you can be comfortable and confident in who you truly are and positively engage in your career and hobbies. A confident and optimistic man about himself and his interests is infinitely more attractive than someone who self-denigrates or is unsure about themself and their personality. Work on being proud of who you are and love will soon follow!

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19. Honesty

There is a saying, “fake it til you make it,” but that doesn’t mean you should lie about your accomplishments, or anything else, for that matter. Sorry, boys, but you’re terrible liars. Once you get in the habit of lying regularly, it becomes impossible to keep up with remembering which story you told your significant other. It’s best to stick to the truth. Once someone is caught in a lie, it is hard to trust them. That is especially for women who have been hurt in the past. That is a huge red flag, and most women with self-worth will break up with a liar immediately.

If you choose to lie to people, and your relationships fall apart, the blame lays solely on you. Honesty is a significant boundary to the vast majority of people since openness and lack of deceit allow humans to cooperate and function in society. We have to assume what others tell us is correct to build a foundation for living. Routinely violating that through lying will likely lead to a lonely life since very few people are willing to tolerate routine falsehoods. Honesty can sting, but it’s an absolute must for a healthy relationship.

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18. Motivation

Being attracted to motivation is a primal instinct. Back in the age of the cavemen, do you think the women would want to mate with the guy who sits around in the dark all day, or do you think she likes the guy who is waking up at the crack of dawn hunting for food? Even if you are not successful yet, you show that you are motivated to do something with your life. It is far better to show someone how motivated you are through your actions rather than words. You can talk all you want about your dreams, but if all you do is sit around watching Netflix, that doesn’t count.

Much like with passion, motivation doesn’t necessarily need to be about a career. Not everyone has a “career.” Some people just have jobs, and that’s okay. You can show motivation by taking care of your home, your own body, or how you engage with volunteer activities or even your hobbies. Waking up at the crack of dawn to go out hiking or staying up late to stargaze at an observatory show motivation and ability to follow through on plans that are very attractive to potential partners. Showing that you’re motivated enough to engage in some healthy behavior regularly is a great start.

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17. Empathy

There is nothing worse than a guy who is rude to a waiter at a restaurant. Anyone rude to people who work in service industries probably has never performed one of those jobs themselves. Even if he was lucky enough never to have to work a job like that, anyone with a sliver of empathy could put themselves in another person’s shoes. Women have it tough. We go through many things that men will never understand, and we don’t expect you to figure it all out. However, empathy- or trying to understand how difficult a situation may be for us, goes a long way.

Empathy is easily one of the most attractive traits a person of any gender can have, and it draws people in as friends or romantic partners. No one wants to be with someone incapable of seeing things from another person’s perspective or, worse, is unwilling to do so. People who can’t or choose not to engage in empathy often are incredibly selfish and can be harsh or even abusive to those around them since they can’t understand or choose to ignore the hurt feelings they cause. Showing empathy will signal to a potential partner that you’re a caring individual who kindly treats others.

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16. Faithfulness

It should be obvious, but women want a man who will be faithful to them during their relationship. If you’re exclusive, it’s important to honor that commitment. Some people choose to be in open relationships, but that is something that both partners would agree upon together. If you have a history of cheating on women in the past, or if you brag about all of the girls you have been with, that is a red flag that you may not be faithful. Be up-front with your expectations of the relationship so that you don’t break a woman’s heart.

If you are polyamorous, meaning you date or have relationships with more than one person, it is essential to be open and honest about that upfront as well. Many people have healthy, uplifting polyamorous relationships of all shapes and sizes, but it’s fundamental for prospective partners to know that about you going in. Conversely, make sure your intended partner is interested in monogamy as well, since she may be the polyamorous one. There is no right or wrong way to build a relationship, but honesty and transparency are both absolute musts when it comes to boundaries and what you both define as fidelity.

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15. Great With Kids

Even if you’re taking it slow with your relationship, women will always notice how you act around children. It will give her a good idea if you will make a good father someday, or not. Some women who are super focused on their careers don’t want kids right away, but she will still want you to be great around her nieces, nephews, and her friend’s kids. In some cases, both partners agree that they never want to have kids, so it doesn’t matter too much if babies make you uncomfortable. However, that’s a conversation you need to have pretty early on in the relationship because it can be a huge deal-breaker.

While it can be awkward to broach the subject of children early in a relationship since it supposes marriage, sex, and a host of other things, it is imperative to set realistic expectations upfront. Having children or not is often a huge part of someone’s life and goals, so being on different pages in terms of the number of children wanted, how to raise them, or, most important, if one doesn’t want children at all can ruin an otherwise great relationship. Even if it seems like too much too soon, it’s always better to know where a potential romantic partner stands on having children, so you don’t run into major heartbreak down the road.

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14. Sense Of Humor

The best relationships in the world are when both partners are always laughing together. Women don’t expect you to be a standup comedian, but having the ability to see the humor in things is very attractive. If you are always serious and never joke around or laugh, that could be a big reason why you’re not finding a girlfriend. It’s not necessary to try to force yourself to be funny. You should still be yourself. But if at all possible, try to see if your sense of humor is compatible. If not, it may be a sign that it’s not meant to be.

A great tip in today’s age of thankfully increasing social awareness is the idea of making sure your comedy always punches up instead of down. For example, punching up would be to make fun of Bill Gates or another wealthy white man for a decision they made or something silly they did. Punching down would be making jokes about people with disabilities, gay jokes, racist jokes, and others that punch down at marginalized people and identities. While this type of humor was popular in the 2000s, many women will rightfully be put off by it today and find you lacking.

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13. Respect

Most women want a man to respect her in more ways than one. For women who are strong-willed and take their careers seriously, respect is one of the most important attributes that they can find in a man. Women don’t ask for much. A simple “If you have time” added to a request for a favor, or asking “What’s your schedule like this week” first, before asking her to drop her plans to do something with you, can go a long way. Also, make sure you show respect for her hobbies, interests, and friends as well. While you may not have the same hobbies, showing mutual respect’s interests is an absolute must.

Showing respect for a person also means that they are more willing to have a conversation about decision-making instead of going over their head. We aren’t in the 1950s and more, and women want to be equal partners in a relationship. Always show respect for a woman’s boundaries, most importantly. If she says, she doesn’t want a specific romantic gesture or to be touched in a certain way, always respect. Showing respect for boundaries, especially early on, is a great predictor of someone who will remain respectful in a relationship. Conversely, if you don’t respect her boundaries early on, she’ll likely see a red flag and leave you behind.

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12. Cleanliness

Women don’t expect men to be neat freaks around the house, but we don’t want to be picking up after your mess, either. Keep your apartment or house neat and tidy. Make your bed, do your laundry, and wash the dishes. If she walks into your place and sees trash and dirty clothes lying everywhere, it’s not a good look. A successful woman needs to know that a man will pick up after her because she will be too busy working to clean your house for you. It shows you value her and yourself if you have a neat place.

If you are doing well with your career, maybe you can afford to hire a maid to come once or twice a week. However, messes can pile up quickly. If you know that you’re a bit of a slob, try to be more mindful of how you treat your surroundings. If your girlfriend or a potential girlfriend is coming over to your home for the first time, make sure your bathroom is clean, in particular. No woman wants to walk into a bathroom with a crusty, creepy toilet and stained, hairy sink. If you’re going to earn points, keep a small stash of menstrual products in your bathroom for guests.

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11. Style

Most men think that women want to see them in expensive suits. That’s not necessarily true. Every woman has a different taste in fashion, and their style reflects what they look for in a man. Even the most supposedly non-judgmental person is 100% judging what you wear, but it’s okay to stick with your true style. Don’t try to be someone you’re not. If you’re hoping to meet your goth princess one day, you’d best be goth yourself. If you’re looking for a high-profile Type A career woman, a ratty punk look is probably not going to cut it.

The fashion you wear will attract the type of girl you are looking for, and it will repel those who aren’t interested. My roommate wanted a guy who wore the same clothes as her, which were comfortable jeans, shorts, tees, and hoodies. On the other hand, I met one of my college boyfriends in our Pre-Law classes because he noticed that I was wearing a Louis Vuitton necklace, and he struck up a conversation about it. The story’s moral is that a man shouldn’t wear clothes just because you think they will attract a woman. Wear the clothes that reflect who you truly are, and you will find a girl who appreciates that.

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10. High Earning Potential

Sorry. Remember when I said money doesn’t matter? Well, okay. It matters. According to a poll taken by Men’s Health Magazine, “earning potential” was listed as one of the top qualities women look for in men. The keyword here is “potential.” If a man is in medical school, for example, and a woman knows that you’re broke right now, but someday, you’ll have a great job with stellar healthcare, that’s just as good as being a doctor already. Along with confidence, motivation, and all of those other attributes to success, you need to be on a path that makes sense.

If you are working at a fast-food restaurant for minimum wage, but you promise a six-figure lifestyle without a plan to get there, a girl will know that it takes a lot more than flipping burgers to get there. In college, this truly doesn’t matter very much since everyone is in the same boat. However, a woman will want a man to make the same or more than she does if they’re going to have a good relationship. Some independently wealthy women may not mind a low-income partner, but be aware she may expect you then to take on the bulk of the household duties.

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9. Being Attractive

Well duh, right? No matter what gender you are, being attractive gives you a better chance of finding someone. In a world where people can swipe left and right to make a quick decision about someone’s looks, our society feels even more pressure to be good-looking. The good news is, women find a lot of different body types attractive. That’s why a “dad bod” is a trend right now. Sure, being fit and having a six-pack is sexy too, but unless a girl is also in great shape and values that in a partner, it’s usually not a prerequisite for dating.

There are many attractive qualities in a person that has nothing to do with a muscular body. Sometimes, a guy will have beautiful eyes or an adorable smile. Women usually find the inner beauty in a person once they get to know them. However, if there is anything you can do to improve your physical appearance, it can’t hurt to try. A major issue a lot of American men struggle with is unfortunate wardrobe choices. Make sure your dating profile pictures are all clear, in focus, and feature you looking neatly groomed in clean, sharp attire—no ratty jeans and t-shirts.

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8. Being A Good Listener

Having good communication is essential in any relationship, and it is imperative when you’re dating. Communication is not possible without being a good listener. It’s easy to tell when a man is just waiting to speak and not listening or absorbing what the woman has to say. Next time you’re in a conversation with a woman, pay attention to how well you remember the things she said when you get home later. Is it all just a blur with no details or even general subjects in your memory? Were you focusing too much on impressing her and figuring out what you should say?

In most cases, listening to what she has to say and building a conversation out of that will lead to a better connection than you blurting out that you went to the right school or you earn six figures. Active listening is a skill, and like any skill, it can be cultivated with time, effort, and practice. Start by practicing with your friends, focusing on what they say, and engaging on their topic of conversation instead of shifting to your own. Men tend to have a habit of dominating conversations, so make sure you make room for your partner to speak and listen to their words.

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7. Good Hygiene

If you are struggling to find a girlfriend, you might want to take a quick sniff under your armpits. Remember that being in a relationship is all about intimacy, and no one wants to get up close and personal with someone whose breath smells like garlic. It may sound like common sense, but trust me, it’s not. You should be using mouthwash, flossing, and brushing your teeth two to three times a day. Take some gum or mints to work, too, if you’re trying to keep it fresh all day. If you have a problem with acne, buy a facial wash to use in the shower.

Use shampoo and conditioner at least once every three days, and shower your body every single day. Keep your beard and body hair trimmed, too. Beards can be sexy, but only if you have the ability actually to grow one properly. Last and certainly not least, wear deodorant every single day. Cologne does not mask body odor. It only makes it worse. If you use cologne, remember to be subtle about it because even good smells can be overpowering. Just dab a little on your neck, and it becomes a pleasant surprise smell when she goes in for a kiss.

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6. Romance

According to Men’s Health, 45% of women listed “romantic” in the attributes they want in a man. We can’t help it. We grow up watching Disney movies where princesses get rescued by a prince, and every romantic comedy has some grand gesture of their undying love. It’s not that we can’t distinguish fiction from reality, but you’re likely to fall into the friend zone pretty quickly without a sense of romance in the relationship. Just knowing that someone cares enough to make a gesture, even an inexpensive or impromptu one, can fan the flames of love in a woman’s heart.

Romance doesn’t have just to be roses and chocolates. It can be accomplished over dinner with you looking into her eyes, holding hands, or letting her know that she is loved and appreciated. Don’t get overly romantic or say “I love you” right from the beginning because it will creep her out. However, when the timing is right, make sure you let your lady know that she is the object of your affection. If the woman you admire isn’t very traditional, the world is your oyster. Try a walk in a special park you found, or give her a pretty crystal.

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5. Great in Bed

Sex is a natural part of any adult relationship and having a great experience matters. A lack of sexual gratification or intimacy can lead to infidelity or breaking up. Getting your woman to climax is a must to keep her happy, but some of the best experiences in bed have a lot more to do with intimacy. Women want to have good “pillow talk” conversations, kisses, cuddling, eye contact, etc. It is so much better than just doing the deed without any regard for the woman’s pleasure and then hopping out of bed soon afterward or, even worse, just falling asleep.

That sounds like it should be common sense, but sadly, it’s not. On the other hand, every woman wants something different to keep her satisfied, and that’s a conversation you will need to have after you have been together for a little while. The key to great physical intimacy is always a conversation, and sex should be discussed regularly and honestly in any healthy sexual relationship. Both partners have wants and expectations, and it requires open, honest dialogue to ensure both partners’ needs are being met in a way that feels healthy and safe for both. Also, consent is always necessary.

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4. Passion

Men are taught to be reserved, and it’s a shame because women love to see a man who is passionate about something, be it a hobby or job. It almost doesn’t matter what it is. You could be really into a hobby or your career. If you can talk about something you love with a lot of animation and excitement, there is something very intoxicating about that. Think about all the YouTubers in the world. They make a living from just talking one-on-one to a camera about a particular subject. It’s because they can captivate an audience by talking about their passions.

Talking about each other’s interests on the first few dates is also a great way to get to know each other, and it should help break the ice. It also serves as a way to realize whether you’re a good match or not quickly. For example, if you have a passion for going to micro-breweries, and the girl you’re on a date with doesn’t drink at all, that’s a big sign that you’re not meant to be together. If she’s really into board games and your idea of a complex game is Go Fish or vice versa, there’s a chance you may not know how to spend quality time together.

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3. Generosity

If you are successful, you will want to avoid gold diggers who only want you for your money. However, every relationship has a certain gift-giving level that should go both ways. It’s important to be wise with your money and know-how to save for the future, but no one wants to date Ebenezer Scrooge, either. If you’re selfish with your money every day, that’s a red flag that you will be selfish in other aspects of a relationship, as well. Women pay attention when a man gives a good tip at a bar or restaurant and what kinds of gifts he gives to his family and friends during the holidays.

Successful women who have their careers won’t necessarily be looking for a sugar daddy, but receiving presents every once in a while is still a great feeling. What most men don’t realize is that for women, presents aren’t really about the money. It’s about having their man acknowledging her interests, wants, and needs and responding to that with a gift. Sometimes the thought is what counts. If you only buy scented candles and body lotion every Christmas, it may feel like you don’t know her well enough to give her what she needs or is interested in.

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2. Dependability

Every relationship has its ups and downs, and women want a “rock” who can be there when times get tough. Women want to know that they can depend on you when things get tough someday because it’s not an “if,” it’s a “when,” because life is never perfect. Unfortunately, there are plenty of guys out there who run for the hills when something becomes difficult in a relationship. There is no way of knowing how someone will react to a problematic situation until it happens, so dependability is not always easy to spot. Try to show that you’re a rock in all things.

On the first few dates, you can prove that you are a dependable person by showing up on time and following through on the promises you make. Being a flaky person gives the impression that you don’t care about the other person’s time or that your life is a mess. It may be funny or eye-roll-worthy when you’re still young, but the lousy trait becomes very serious once you get married and start having kids that need to be picked up from daycare. The older you get, the more dependability becomes one of the most important qualities a man can have.

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1. Kindness And Moral Integrity

Contrary to popular belief, women do love nice guys. No one will ever reach the level of kindness and compassion as someone like Mr. Rogers, and that’s not exactly sexy, either. There is a delicate balance between being kind and compassionate versus being a pushover and people-pleaser. However, it’s important to always show your kind side, especially in how you interact with others in front of a romantic partner and make decisions that reflect your moral character’s quality. No woman wants to end up with a jerk who mistreats people, makes questionable decisions, and is all-around rude.

Showing a sense of kindness to strangers with simple gestures like opening a door for someone or being polite to restaurant and retail staff can go a long way. If you’re not already doing these things, start trying to incorporate kind gestures into your life. You’ll find that you become a happier person, which is attractive, too. Having a good moral compass is essential as well. Women want to know that they would never steal, cheat, or hurt another person on purpose. Nice guys don’t finish last when it comes to love, and showing your kindness could help you find Ms. Right.

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